Shadow's Personality

By shadow_files

February 24, 2008

Last Editted: June 21, 2008

Shadow_files is shadow_files. But, as you've been taught from a rather young age I'm sure, defining a word as itself doesn't really tell too much. And, while I'm sure "Who's Shadow_Files?" gave you a decent scope of who shadow_files is, the page may not have completely given you an idea of what shadow_files's personality was like though you probably could interpret alot from just reading my rambling glory, which I seem to reflect here and in all other aspects of the site. *coughthissiteisinformalcough*

So, this page was created, aside from my sole purpose of mass producing content with which to fill up this site, for the sake of telling this page's readers, assuming that those who visit this page are indeed looking to delve further into the subject of who shadow_files is, about shadow_files. Indeed, if I had not created this site mainly for myself, I would fairly judge myself as rather egocentric; the Guthix Network is almost all about shadow_files in some form or fashion. So, I will venture slightly beyond merely creating a list of my personality traits by babbling on of what I perceive of my own personality though I cannot say I truly have enough concrete knowledge of pschology to know for sure who I truly am.

I like to babble and ramble alot, but I feel this has most certainly already been mentioned so instead I might start with one of my most obvious traits to those who know me in the real world. I am an introvert, through and through. Even if I almost always follow people or hang around people, I rarely truly contribute to a conversation. Occassionally, I may attempt a humorous remark or reassert the obvious. But, in the right conversation, I will talk alot. I won't mention what kind of conversations those are, but you might be able to guess by the way I ramble on. In Runescape and other internet chats, my 'approach to shyness' is using smilies, random actions(like /me blinks.), and random comments while in the real world, I, as previously stated, continue make random comments, but rather than using smilies, I make random faces(an action that I do in part to reflect my online world nature).

While I am shy, I am stubborn at heart. I have a sort of pride and egoism that spurs me to argue points although I am most certainly a poor debater. I am ill-composed, and as a result, I tend to stumble in my speech and logic. However, I can be alot clearer about my thoughts in writing. Hence, I am someone who communicates better by the pen and paper than by speech. The being of my ability to write as greater than my ability to speak is superceded by that I rarely show my writings to the world.

I deliberately try not to brag. But, deep down I know I might just be the vaunting kind. It's just that everytime I have the urge to make a comment or statement that puts myself above others, I try to suppress it; my main exception to this is when I am asked questions, but I do sometimes slip through this rule of myself.

Also, the way I write doesn't completely reflect the way I act. As perviously mentioned, I am highly ill-composed in speech, so this writing is significantly more 'formal' and 'serious'. In actuality, I tend to be a very 'random' person, and at ont point in my Runescape career I would randomly travel Guthix's Gielinor yelling "Randomness is a blessing!" In all honestly, I hold this philosophy little at heart, but to me it was a fun random statement to make. That is sort of how I work.

"Randomness is a blessing!" is among my many random statements although I admit it takes the spotlight away from lesser-said ones. Many people seem to take my random comments and statements for my personality. I myself am not completely sure of why I make these random statements. Recently, I have been striving to make less statements without really knowing why I make the statements I make; I strive to be more composed and more tactful with my speaking. However, there is a tendency for compulsion in me. It seems that I am a naturally impulsive person who does things by feel and intuition. Thus, is the nature of my being as an 'emotional' person rather than a 'rational' one. This trait makes me an easy opponent to trip during debate, and as a result, I am less eager to argue, knowing that I am the one who is more likely to leave with tearstained cheeks.

This page and site, too, as a whole reflect my impulsiveness in a way. I have no particular purpose or goal in mind as I write. I simply write for the sake of writing and what I write reflects my thoughts of each moment. My thoughts may be perhaps even more unfocused, scattered, and rambling then this site itself, but I suppose that would only be natural as writing only reflects a portion of the even more numerous and perhaps even more irrelevant thoughts. And, just like those irrelevant thoughts, this site reflects my lack of central focus by wandering from point to point at all levels. There is no purpose to this site, but I continue to create it as this is what my intuition tells me. In a way, this is how I perceive life as well although there are brief moments when my fingers may have slipped through soem fluid of purpose, but ultimately, I am an unattached bird who flitters around without knowing reason.

I love philosophy and poetry and all sorts of other trivial things. I guess being idealistic is in my nature, and idealism captures my impractical approach to life, my impulsiveness, my search among the points that can only plague one's mind, my need to somehow feel reason ultimately despite that I know my logistical side will never concede to the arguments of idealistic self. So, I trap myself in this paradox where I can find myself sitting for hours on end, pondering the trivial, knowing I will never find anything significant. Whether this is truly a plague or a blessing is only another point among the many for me to ponder as one may say I will always be troubled by these things that do not matter yet another could say that I will always find purpose in searching for the purpose of these things that do not matter.

So, I am basically a shy rambler although another major trait I carry is that I try to conform to society. I know that I am one who tries to follow society or one who tries to 'fit in'. Many times, I try to reject this fact myself although I know very well that this is true although many times I vaguely criticize this trait of myself indirectly to others. I make statements like "Isn't it interesting how some people can't seem to form their own opinions? I guess that's how persuasion of masses is so effective; people just follow the opinions of others and shove away their own thoughts." I say such things to stimulate discussion, but I know I am reprimanding myself for the trait; the statement completing hits home for me as I am one who will accept opinions to join the masses of society although in thought I may completely reject these opinions.

I think that my conformist nature partially leads to my unassertiveness. In many ways, I try to be 'nice' to people although I know I do this at least in part because I have been conditioned thoroughly to believe that kindness is what society expects of me. Rarely do I ever think of kindness from the empathetic view of "What if you were in their shoes?" as I truly cannot relate to people many times. Hence, I become the type of person who weeps silently in swallowing loss but does not expect others to swallow in the same way. I try not to complain or fight back to people in part because in an odd way, I may subconsciously believe that society does not accept this nature. Notably, I will complain on points that many others have complained on though I may not truly hold the complaints at heart. In this sense of 'taking hits without biting back', the most common point of reference for me would be my emotions where I am so easily hurt, but I attempt not to demonstrate. I suppose there are many people in the world who share this trait and the pert of me that realizes this may be the part of me that wants to listen and absorb the complaints of other, agreeing even when logic says otherwise.

I guess this article was pointless in the end as I truly don't believe I made any meaningful interpretations of my actions, and I simply made more sohpisticated than necessary the descriptions of my traits. I guess that's the nature of my rambling where in part, I write for the sake of beautiful words. Formless poetry can be a hinderance to many, I suppose. Some may ask "Why do things exist with no purpose?" I might be the one to say "Because they're purpose is to find a purpose." But, then formless poetry just becomes gnomic poetry where the meaning is so abstract that many may conclude there truly is no meaning while others simply ponder through all the possible meanings. I guess in a way that's how searching for a purpose in life is.